well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
