Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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