They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
