You smell like stripper and shame
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
