my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
