and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
