Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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