I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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