i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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