Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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