Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize