Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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