He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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