My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
