oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
