This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
