The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
