you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize