I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
my liver is dry heaving
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
