i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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