We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
