if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
