I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize