Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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