you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
