One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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