I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
