Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
