I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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