you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
