if i can run in heels then i can drive
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
