Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
