everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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