it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize