If that was your dad, he is hot
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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