dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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