I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
