just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
