you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
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you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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