evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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