It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
