Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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