So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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