My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
