we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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