what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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