Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
