Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize