Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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