I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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