You can't special order awesome
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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