plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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