If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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