Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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