The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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