You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
