Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
