I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
