he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
