what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
