Your dad touched me again.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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