You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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