WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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