walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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