Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
