I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
