I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
