At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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