I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
