meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
