I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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